Listening For God...

I am a holy mess, a holy wreck. I need help! I feel as if chaos will consume me and I will be sucked into a black hole. All of this pressure is from the ordination process. I feel unready, unqualified, unprepared for the task that lay before me. Maybe I'm just afraid of this entire process.

I need to retreat and connect with God with distractions. I don't spend nearly enough time in prayer and meditation. I don't read scripture devotionally anymore. The last time I studied was for a sermon. What is getting into me?

I want a sacred space in my home and I don't have one anymore. There is no place for silence. I never imaged my spiritual life would spiral in this way. I know there are times when we are in the wilderness. I may not be in the wilderness yet, but I'm sure on a desolate highway. I am not alone, but I sure feel alone.

My job takes so much of my energy; I no longer feel fulfilled. It's a bad place to be. Each day at the office is a day that I could be doing what I've been called to do like minister in an assisted living home, or hospice, or hospital. There is the young adult ministry I want to start. Oh, and what about the health ministry that is so desperately needed in my small parish? That's where my energies should be going. I work 40 hours a week yet I feel unproductive.

I wait for God, listening for direction. One day at a time dear LORD that's all I ask.

Third Sunday of Advent

The Collect:

Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come among us; and, because we are sorely hindered by our sins, let your bountiful grace and mercy speedily help and deliver us; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom, with you and the Holy Spirit, be honor and glory, now and for ever.

Amen

Lectionary Reading

Isaiah 65: 17-25

Psalm 126

I Thessalonians 5:12-28

John 1: 6-8, 19-28

or John 3: 23-30

Collect is from Book of Common Prayer (BCP), 1979.

Catechesis

After each diocesan convention I've attended I leave with the same sinking feeling - I'm just not "episcopalian enough." When I first became a member of the ECUSA, I went through a "journey class" that included small groups discussing what it means for us to live in baptism, to be Christ's church and representatives in the world, and to be part of the ECUSA. What didn't happen was the teaching of the church's liturgy and rituals. This is important to me.

I've since read books and I've learned the correct times during Mass to genuflect, make the sign of the cross, to kneel, to stand, etc. But something still feels off; something isn't connecting. I've often made these statements to my friend whose been worshipping in the ECUSA since 1970 and she says I'll get it eventually. It's been over 5 years and each time I assist at Eucharist, I still feel out of place. Where is my confidence?

While at the diocesan convention I saw an exhibit for catechesis. This particular program is focused on the religious formation of children. It is rooted in the Bible and the liturgy of the church using the Montessori teaching method. I saw beautiful minatures that depict the books of the Bible, bible stories, Eucharist table, and salvation history. It was amazing.

Now, where is this for adults who are new to the ECUSA? My husband and mother-in-law have informed me that in the Roman Catholic Church new converts, adults and children, have to attend catechism. When I thought about becoming a member of the Roman Church, I was told by the parish priest that it would be required. This should be an opportunity given to new ECUSA members. How else do you learn what you are doing and why?

I'm now signed up to attend class with 9-12 year olds and I can hardly wait!

Second Sunday of Advent

The Collect:

Merciful God, who sent your messengers the prophets to preach repentance and prepare the way for our salvation: Give us grace to heed their warnings and forsake our sins, that we may greet with joy the coming of Jesus Christ our Redeemer; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever.

Amen.

Lectionary Reading

Isaiah 4o: 1-11
Psalm 85: 1-2, 8-13
2 Peter 3: 8-15a
Mark 1: 1-8



Collect is from Book of Common Prayer, 1979.

Call To Convention - Los Angeles Diocese

113th Annual Meeting of the Los Angeles Diocese

The ECUSA Los Angeles Diocese will convene it's 112th annual convention on Dec 5th & 6th. I'm so excited! I love convention; after my first one in 2005 I was hooked. I love seeing church polity in action.

I'm usually clueless as to a lot of procedures, but each time I go I learn a little more. I missed this year's deanery meeting so I'll have a cramming session as to what's on the agenda this year, especially since I may become a last minute delegate (long story and I'll spare you the details of lack of commitment blah, blah, blah.)

Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori is speaking and it will be live via webcast beginning 11am (PST) on Dec 6th. Bishop Jefferts Schori will inaugurate the Margaret Parker Memorial Lecture Series by addressing the topic: What are the keys to peace and justice through the empowerment of women, especially amid the challenges of the current global financial context?

I'm leaving home very early so that I can find parking. I'm staying at the Mission Inn, a hotel that I've wanted to frequent, but hadn't. It's decorated for the holidays and it's a beautiful, historic building. It's a national historic landmark in fact. (I know it's more information than you really care to know, but I'm excited okay.)

I've been invited to fellowship with the deacons this year and I'm excited about that as well. Do you think I love convention?

I guess I really am a "church girl" as my husband likes to call me. Well, I'm off to convention!

Photo is St. John's Cathedral which is both a parish church and cathedral church (or procathedral liturgy) for the Los Angeles Diocese, while the Cathedral Center of St Paul serves as the administrative center of the diocese.